By Tom Quiner

One to two million couples wait in line to adopt a child every year in the U.S.

Only 50,000 domestic adoptions actually take place each year. There just aren’t enough available children to meet the demand.

An additional 20,000 adoptions take place with couples who adopt children from abroad, as did my sister and her husband.

These statistics come to us from the Center for Bio Ethical Reform.

The demand is huge. The supply is small.

The economic model known as “supply and demand” presents the solution.

Quiner’s Diner is proud to present a modest proposal to increase the supply of adoptable children in the United States of America.

The time has come for “Fetal Auctions.”

It’s really quite simple. Americans abort a little more than a million babies a year. We have that many (and more!) couples who would have adopted these unwanted children if only given the opportunity.

These folks would pay a pretty penny to adopt one of these fetuses which would have been discarded otherwise.

There’s big money in adoption. For example, Catholic Charities doesn’t do it for the money, they do it as part of their mission to serve the needy. They offer a sliding scale that can range from $8000 to $25,000 per adoption. On the other hand, for private agencies fees range from $25,000 to $35,000.

Contrast this with the $400 to $700 Planned Parenthood gets per abortion.

Pocket change!

Fetal auctions would allow families desperate to provide a loving home to an unwanted child a marketplace to bid on human life, to save  human life.

Fetal auctions would give organizations that generate a chunk of their revenues from abortion, like Planned Parenthood, incentive to rethink their business model.

They have a gold mine lying at their doorsteps that they are squandering, choosing instead to discard this potential wealth in the dumpsters behind their clinics.

Fetal auctions would provide just the financial incentive they’d need to shift their financial model from “women’s reproductive health” into “fetal health.”

I know what you’re thinking. How would one go about pricing these pre-babies? Easy. Get E-Bay involved. They already know how to do it.

Obviously, they’d want to start a new division which would quickly outpace their current one. They might want to call it Fetal Bay, or F-Bay for short.

Here’s where things get interesting.

Baby boys are going to sell for more than baby girls. That’s just the way it is. Gendercide is pretty much accepted by the political Left. Sure they’ll squawk, but they don’t mean it. Planned Parenthood is complicit in it anyway, as you can see at Live Action Films, so you know the Democratic Party will tread lightly.

For Fetal Auctions to work best, we can’t let politicians get sentimental and try to impose price controls and level the price point for male vs female fetuses.

Or white vs. black.

Or blue-eyed vs. brown-eyed.

If a loving family is willing to pay an extra $5000 for a boy, well let them.

I know, I know, some of you are scandalized by the idea of fetal auctions. You think that it is demeaning to auction human life, that it’s the moral equivalent of the degrading slave auctions that took place in a more uncivilized chapter in our nation’s history.

Of course you are correct.

But is anything else in this country more degrading and uncivilized than abortion? And yet the president and most of his party think there’s nothing wrong with that. Yes, it is true that on occasion they are heard to mutter that abortion should be safe … but rare.

So fetal auctions will make abortion very rare. A lot of women contemplating abortion might think twice about going through with it if they’re able to end up $10,000 or $20,000 ahead if they give birth and put their child up for auction.

“Women’s reproductive health” would be untouched. If a woman chooses to abort her daughter, she can. But she’d have the “choice” to auction off the girl if the bucks were good enough.

And don’t go comparing fetal auctions to slave auctions. Slaves were sold into slavery. Fetuses, under Quiner’s Diner modest proposal, would be sold into freedom.

Sure, there are a few bugs to be worked out. But you’ve got to admit, auctioning a million fetuses into loving households sure beats discarding them in Planned Parenthood dumpsters.

[Support Quiner’s Diner; support our religious liberty: order your “Stand up for religious liberty” cap today!]

No Comments

  1. illero on July 10, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Great foundational thoughts. I don’t even see a remote connection to the world’s past or current issues with slavery. Saving a life and offering a variety of life’s opportunities can hardly be compared to robbing a person of his/her freedom. How does an idea like this gain momentum, though?

    • quinersdiner on July 10, 2012 at 7:41 am

      It’s called satire.

      • illero on July 10, 2012 at 7:49 am

        Sorry. I meant, how does your overall idea gain momentum. Was your entire piece simply meant as satire?

      • Ankeny Conservative on July 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

        I enjoy satire. I actually think this would be preferable to abortion, though, and though satirical, believe your idea has merit. I also think people should be able to sell their kidney to the highest bidder, though.

  2. Trena on July 11, 2012 at 10:40 pm

    My sister was looking into adoption but said the price was about $25,000 and up. The reason she decided not to go through with adoption is not only because of the price but also because a good percentage of moms who do give up their kids for adoption are drug users and you have no control over adopting a health or unhealthy baby.

    Even though you were aiming at satire, I see some potential in this idea. If there was such a thing as fetal auctions, and a birth mother knew she would make money out of it, then maybe she would take care of herself which would in return produce a healthy child.

    Also, fetal auctions would probably bring down the cost of adoptions and more people would adopt.
    Interesting post!

  3. skyedog27 on July 11, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    Definitely has merit. Of course there are laws against human trafficking ….but according to the uninformed fetuses aren’t human anyway so that loophole could be narrowed if not entirely closed. Gee, $20,000 to produce one baby??? Makes me wish I wasn’t a granny!

  4. Tiffinay compiano on July 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm


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