By Tom and Karen Quiner
We had a reader pose the following question.
“I was wondering if you have a post that explicitly addresses how you believe Christians who experience same sex attractions should live their lives in terms of romance? I’d be interested to know if you think they should attempt a heterosexual marriage or just remain celibate.”
Great question. Thanks for asking.
Let us preface the answer by acknowledging that this will be like Greek to a non-Christian. But we believe the answer applies to everyone. There is one God, and He is the God of all. He loves us all without condition and wants everyone He created to spend eternity in His embrace.
The short answer is that we believe those with same sex attractions should remain celibate.
Here is the long answer.
Sex is not the ultimate expression of love. The ultimate expression of love is sacrifice.
Men and women were created differently for a reason. They were created to complement each other.
God made sex for two purposes: procreation and unity. If you remove one of these elements, it degrades the nature of sex, and therefore, degrades us as people. We are made of a body and soul: what you do with your body matters to your soul.
If you take away the bonding nature of sex, that violates the nature of sex, and degrades the person.
If you purposefully take out the procreative aspect of sex by homosexual acts, it also violates the nature of sex and therefore degrades the person. It goes against what God made sex for and what God made us for.
True love means to will the good of the other, even if, especially if, it involves a sacrifice.
What is this good? It is to always act with our ultimate end in mind — eternal happiness with God in heaven. We have to look out for each other’s souls since we are all part of the family of God.
Both heterosexual and homosexual people are called to live a life of virtue, a life of chastity.
Chastity for a heterosexual married couple means not giving in to a natural desire to have sex with other people. It means not removing procreation from the sex act. It means that although sex is physically pleasurable, it should be primarily about giving my entire self, body and soul, to my spouse.
Sex is a mirror of God’s love for us. Is is supposed to be free, generous, faithful, fruitful, — this is only possible in the Sacrament of Marriage, a marriage between one man and one woman. When the procreative side of sex is removed — like it is in homosexual sex — it has become reduced to pleasure and the couple is only using each other.
Someone who has same-sex attraction can absolutely love others, but that does not have to be through sexual expression.
Is this easy? Of course not! Can I personally judge a person for engaging in homosexual behavior? Of course not. Do I think that gay sex should be illegal? No. Do I think God loves gay people? Absolutely!
The best way I can love a person is to help them understand who we are, children of a loving God, and to help them get to heaven.