A brave new world for male athletes

By Tom Quiner

It is official.

Once and for all, God is dead in the eyes of Barack Obama, the Democratic Party, the International Olympic Committee (IOC), and leftist intelligentsia everywhere.

They reject the sentimental notion that God determines your sex. Now, you can determine your own sex, and no one dare argue.

The pres has forced schools to let guys with penises use the girls’ bathrooms and showers if they feel like a girl. If schools balk, he’ll take aware hot lunches for poor kids.

The IOC will now let guys with penises compete against women if they simply reduce their testosterone level.

I’m kind of excited about this development. Think of the possibilities! Think of what this could do for a once great professional athlete like Tiger Woods whose golf career appears to be shot following multiple knee and back surgeries.

Quiner’s Diner would like to present a Modest Proposal on how to turn Tiger’s career around: he should become a woman.

I know, I know, this might seem kind of extreme. But, hey, get with the times. Remember, liberals are now telling us that we determine our gender, not God.

Even more, they tell us that if a man wants the world to accept him as a woman, they’d better … OR ELSE.

Look at Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner.

Liberals are cheering his/her decision to pump his/her body full of chemicals to alter his/her gender in the eyes of the world. He’s had some surgeries and injections and even an Annie Liebovitz photo shoot for Vanity Fair Magazine cover … dressed in a cool wig and dress. So, as far as liberal America is concerned, he’s a chick.

He still has his male equipment between his legs, but that’s a detail which can be remedied at any time.

Now consider Tiger Woods. He defines himself as a golfer. His reason for existence is to break Jack Nicklaus’ record in golf’s major tournaments.

At one point, it looked like a slam dunk. Now it looks like an impossibility.

But if Tiger would transition to a woman, he could shift from the men’s PGA tour to the women’s where he could win every tournament he enters for years to come, including the women’s major tournaments.

Tiger Woods could establish a golfing legacy that would never be beaten.

Some readers are muttering that it would never work because the women’s tour would never let him play. But they’d HAVE TO. Could you imagine the liberal protest if he was prevented from living the lifestyle of his choice … which is predicated on playing on the Lady’s Professional Golf Association Tour?

After all, don’t we promise every American that they have an Obama-given right to the pursuit of happiness?

Denying ‘Tigress’ Woods access to the women’s tour would be pure and simple discrimination.

It would be denying her his happiness (or is that denying him her happiness?!).

I’m sure the president would champion his cause.

Who knows, a Hillary Clinton might even offer her a spot on her cabinet (once he/she’s beaten Nicklaus’ record, of course).

Tiger Woods may be through as a man on the PGA tour.

But as a woman, Tigress Woods couldn’t be stopped.