By Tom Quiner
Tiger Woods’ golf game is in shambles.
He shot an 85 in yesterday’s 3rd round at the Jack Nicklaus Memorial Tournament. With today’s final round 74, he not only finished in last place, he was a whopping 8 shots behind the next-to-the-last player.
As I write this, he is 28 strokes behind the leader!
Keep in mind, this is the same Tiger Woods that has won this tournament some five times.
It is the same Tiger Woods who has won more PGA tournaments, 79, than any golfer in history other than Sam Snead.
And it is the same Tiger Woods who has won more major golf tournaments, 14, than any golfer next to Jack Nicklaus’ 18.
He’s had multiple surgeries, so surely part of his problem is that his body is falling apart.
Part of his problem is surely psychological. Golf does that to the best of them. His short game is terrible, and it used to be the best in the business.
He’s now ranked something like 185th in the world, and he’s only getting worse.
Quiner’s Diner would like to present a Modest Proposal on how to turn Tiger’s career around: he should become a woman.
I know, I know, this might seem kind of extreme. But, hey, get with the times. Liberals are now telling us that we determine our gender, not God.
Even more, they tell us that if a man wants the world to accept him as a woman, they’d better … OR ELSE.
Look at Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner.
Liberals are cheering his/her decision to pump his/her body full of chemicals to alter his/her gender in the eyes of the world. He’s had some surgeries and injections and even an Annie Liebovitz photo shoot for Vanity Fair Magazine cover … dressed in a cool wig and dress. So, as far as liberal America is concerned, he’s a chick.
He still has his male equipment between his legs, but that’s a detail which can be remedied at any time.
Now consider Tiger Woods. He defines himself as a golfer. His reason for existence is to break Jack Nicklaus’ record in golf’s major tournaments.
At one point, it looked like a slam dunk. Now it looks like an impossibility.
But if Tiger would transition to a woman, he could shift from the men’s PGA tour to the women’s where he could win every tournament he enters for years to come, including the women’s major tournaments.
Tiger Woods could establish a golfing legacy that would never be beaten.
Some readers are muttering that it would never work because the women’s tour would never let him play. But they’d HAVE TO. Could you imagine the liberal protest if he was prevented from living the lifestyle of his choice … which is predicated on playing on the Lady’s Professional Golf Association Tour?
After all, don’t we promise every American that they have an Obama-given right to the pursuit of happiness?
Denying ‘Tigress’ Woods access to the women’s tour would be pure and simple discrimination.
It would be denying him his happiness.
I’m sure the president would champion his cause.
Who knows, a Hillary Clinton might even offer her a spot on her cabinet (once he/she’s beaten Nicklaus’ record, of course).
Tiger Woods may be through as a man on the PGA tour.
But as a woman, Tigress Woods couldn’t be stopped.